Needing relationship help may feel daunting or embarrassing; but, it does not have to be. Recognizing that you need relationship help is a mature and pro-active way to keep your relationship happy, active, and enriching.

Couples counseling can be a positive way to strengthen communication and coping skills; resulting, in a stronger relationship. If you and your partner are invested in your relationship, looking for an impartial professional to help you enhance your relationship skills, and ready to reach out to a couples counselor, then these are some of the benefits you can expect from the process:

Resolve Conflicts in a Healthy Manner
Couples counseling can enhance your communication skills so that you not only listen to your spouse but are also able to process what they are saying.

Communicate Clearly and Openly Without Resentment or Anger
Gain the skills needs to address topic in a healthy and open way. Being able to tackle hard or uncomfortable topics in a confidential setting can help to accelerate the growth of your relationship by highlighting and understanding both points of view and discovering if your values are still aligned.

Be Assertive Without Being Offensive
Learn how to talk to each other and share needs without hurting feelings, making ultimatums, or talking down to each other.

Process and Work Through Festering or Unresolved Issues
Couples counseling offers a safe environment for expressing any unhappiness you, or your partner, feels; helping to determine if you can work together to work through issues or if they are beyond resolution.

Develop a Deeper Understanding of Each Other
Discover together who you are, what your needs are in your current stage of life, and how you can better support each other moving forward.

Relationship help is needed by most relationships out there and should be viewed as the positive action that it is. Couples that seek out couples counseling are taking active and real steps to ensure that their relationship is as strong and enriching as possible. It is something to be proud of!

If you are ready for some relationship help to gain the skills needed to repair or build a stronger and healthier relationship, then we can help. Carolyn S. Riviere is here to support you and your partner and to help you find a supportive, stimulating, and uplifting balance in your relationship.

Contact us to learn more Couples Counseling or to Schedule an Appointment.

Call us at 720-708-4865.

Intimacy issues are not something that any couple plans on or prepares for… they just happen. And, believe it or not, intimacy issues are more common than you would think. More than 60% of couples state that they have experienced intimacy issues within their relationships.

For most couples, the start of their relationships is amazing and intimacy issues are none existent. Their sex life is amazing; everything is exciting, fun, and awe-inspiring. But, as time goes on and life creeps in, the sex may die down a bit. Most couples find that their sex life goes through cycles; up one week and then down the next. Remember, ups and downs are fairly normal. But, if you want to actively overcome some intimacy issues, then here are some suggestions to overcome some of the most common intimacy issues.

Too Busy
Both of you lead very busy lives and between jobs, children, chores, and other commitments, sex becomes an afterthought. When your lives are busy and you spend a lot of time apart, it can be hard to carry on a healthy and exciting sex life. But, there is a fix. Actively put your sex life and your partner first. Try sparking your libido throughout the day by thinking about your partner or maybe even do a bit of fantasizing. Make sure that sex is on your mind it is easier to put into action.

Not in the Mood
When you are busy, stressed, and pulled into a million directions, moments of intimacy and sex seem to be more of a burden then a benefit. Again, it is best in this situation to actively make the mood happen. Put your partner and sex first. It may not always seem spontaneous or sexy but setting aside time for sex can be just what you need; the mood will follow and you will both feel closer. If your schedule is packed, then make time for a quickie. Turn off your brain and just do it.

Friend Zone
After a while, relationships can fall into routine. Chores, children, and work take precedence and, though you love your partner, you spend more time like roommates or friends instead of like partners in a crazy, passionate relationship. Choose to get out of the friend zone. Reintroduce passion, touching, sensuality; kiss your partner when you wake up, give them a full body hug and kiss when taking off for work, kiss them while cooking together in the kitchen. Kissing releases all sorts of hormones that make a couple feel closer and more connected (definitely outside the friend zone). And… don’t forget, kissing can lead to so much more.

Night Shift
Unfortunately, job schedules do not always cooperate and can contribute to intimacy issues. Not all couples have coordinating work schedules; one may be a teacher working days Monday through Friday while the other is an ER doctor working the night shift. It is hard to be intimate when your partner simply isn’t there. There is a fix… Make a plan. When you know that you have some time together then make sure that you plan a date; it does not have to be expensive, just something unique and thoughtful. The effort will give you both something fun and exciting to look forward to; building anticipation, enthusiasm, and intimacy.

Who Are You
In the beginning, couples are always on their best behavior; watching behavior, grooming, and dress. As time goes on, individuals get more comfortable in a relationship and begin to let real life creep in. While being more comfortable with each other is often a good thing, dirty underwear, burping, and toilet seats left up can leave some wondering what happened to the amazing, sexy person they were dating. If you find this happening, then it is time to start reminiscing. Talk to your partner, remember what turned you on, and focus on those attributes that attracted you to them. Soon the mundane will become less consequential and you will remember the wonderful qualities that attracted you in the first place.

One of the biggest takeaways is that intimacy issues can be resolved but it takes effort. You have to put your sex life and your partner first. The solutions take planning and work but the intimacy is worth it!

If you are having a hard time communicating with your partner or your intimacy issues have gone beyond what you can fix on your own, then contact us. Carolyn S. Riviere is uniquely qualified to help you through intimacy issues that affect your sex life and the overall strength of your relationship. She is here to support you and your partner and to help you find a supportive, stimulating, and uplifting balance in your relationship.

Contact us to learn more about intimacy issues and Couples Counseling or to Schedule an Appointment at 720- 708 4865.

Strong relationships after kids, ones that are full of flirting, fun, and intimacy, really can exist; but, they may take a little more effort.

When it was just you and your partner, you had more time for quality conversation, you had more extra money for date night outs, and you had more energy for flirting, sex, and adventure. Once your children arrived, your relationship naturally changed. While kids are amazing and wonderful miracles that expand your heart more than you ever dreamed possible, they are also exhausting, needy, and all-encompassing.

Let’s face it… it is hard to feel sexy when you were up all night with a sick child, have not showered, and have mystery gunk stuck in your hair.

All that understood and said… it is important to remember that the needs of your relationship are as important as the needs of your children. A family can only thrive if the foundation is strong; and, do not forget, you and your partner are the foundation.

Below are five simple yet important steps that solidify and strengthen relationships after kids.

Take 5
Throughout the day, it is easy to get caught up in your direct world and the needs of your child; a whirlwind of getting everything done. Make sure to take 5 minutes every day to talk to each other. Look each other in the eyes and listen to your partner’s day with undivided attention. Just a few minutes of really listening can make all the difference to maintaining a connection.

Make a Date
Yes, your lives with children are unbelievably busy but time for the two of you, as a couple, is equally important. Make taking the time for a date a habit and a priority from the beginning. Even if it is only for a cup of coffee… it time away from house, from the list of things to do, and from interruptions. It is time for just the two of you to remember that you are attractive, interesting, adults who genuinely enjoy each other. Making a date a regular occurrence helps to solidify it as a habit that becomes a priority for years to come.

Spoil Each Other
It is a great example for you children to see that you put your partner first. Marriage takes work but it is overwhelmingly worth it. Your children should see that you actively put effort into keeping your marriage loving and strong. Your partner should come first. Every once in a while do something to spoil your partner instead of your kids. Your children will see that you value your partner and they will benefit from the security of a happy home.

Stop Competing
No one wins the game of “who is working harder.” Ever! Being a mom is hard. Being a dad is hard. Working at home is hard. Working in an office is hard. Every position comes with its own frustrations and challenges. The important aspect to remember is that you are both on the same team; each one contributing their unique strengths, insights, and humor to make a stronger family. If you stop competing and focus on acknowledging and complimenting each other, then your jobs will feel easier and your relationship stronger. Remember to smile, hug, laugh, and cheer each other on… you really are better together!

Snuggle, Kiss, Cuddle
Yes, snuggling, kissing, and cuddling should all be a part of relationships after kids. You are a couple and affection helps you remind each other how important and special you are. Hold hands when you are walking, give a kiss as you pass in the hallway, and dance with each other in the kitchen while dinner is cooking. It is healthy and reassuring for kids to know that their parents love each other and it is a wonderful role model for what they should look for in their own partner in years to come.

Relationships take work and relationships after kids take even more. Do not forget who you are as a couple and take the time to compliment and encourage each other. Your children will not suffer from time that you dedicate to your partner. In fact, they will benefit from the example that you set as a strong, loving, and encouraging couple.

If you feel like your relationship after kids is suffering and you are not sure how to get back to being a strong couple, know that you are not alone. We can help!

Carolyn S. Riviere, LMFT, RPT, and her amazing team at Collaborate Counseling, are here to help you and your parent find a balance between your relationship as a happy couple and your dedication to your family. To learn more or schedule an appointment online or give us a call at 720-708-4865

Dealing with anxiety, depression and the loss of a relationship while being twenty something is difficult!  Potentially more so with social media pressure in which the millennium generation has grown up and surrounds themselves within. However, I have been working with an extremely unusual and amazing client that has taken a risk with several beneficial and surprising outcomes.

After a unexpected breakup, this particular client found herself as most individuals find themselves doing after a break up, checking their Facebook and social media accounts for news of their old romance. This was causing more anxiety and depression than the break up. She decided in between sessions, to go cold-turkey, and “disconnect” from her Facebook account at first. Then proceeded to eliminate herself from other social media, such as snapchat and instagram.

What happened after that was shocking! She came back into session the following week, and was less anxious, presented with a smile, was more confident and not thinking as much about her lost relationship. She was more engaged in “real Life”, relationships and reconnecting to what she considered, “really mattered”, friends and activities that supported her life and ambitions. It turns out, social media was one of the root causes of her anxiety and stress. She had found herself constantly checking her lost love’s whereabouts, who he was with, if he was out, his relationship status, etc.. Not only that, it was a drain on her personal life and activities that actually was inhibiting her enjoying the real things that she actually use to enjoy in her life.

Without her constant beeping and buzzing of her accounts, and the knowledge that the social network was right at her fingertips, she was forced to go out on her own, forge new connections without the aid of false reporting’s, pictures, and updates of supposed friends, superficial relationships, she thought were more important than not, and learning about lives that were perhaps based on truths but sometimes were not.

Are the pictures of our friends, families, acquaintances are posted an accurate reflection of what is really going on in life’s that we are viewing? For some, are they representing what they do not have, and potentially not a true, accurate representation of the story behind the picture being portrayed? Over Christmas break, my son demonstrated just this truth; I was appalled and saddened by what I saw.  A young woman, he knew, very beautiful, had posted a picture of herself, but looking closely at the picture, he pointed out that her legs were not the same size. She in fact and edited them to make them look smaller. So much so, that they were pencil size and out of proportion. The reality being, that what many people are viewing as happiness, health and well being, may not be reality at all.

Since this first encounter and experience with my client, I have been doing my own survey/research on social media within my own therapeutic and friend circle. Can you really unplug? What are the thoughts about this, how would you feel? Have you ever done it? There are some great articles written about how to do just this.

Daniel Wallen writes about 5 Psychological reasons you are maybe addicted to Facebook and how to break the habit! If you think this is you, read more about how he suggests kicking your habit in the following link and blog:

https://www.lifehack.org/233325/5-psychological-reasons-you-are-addicted-facebook-and-5-ways-break-the-habit?ref=sidebar

Carlo Cruz in his blog regarding disconnecting from social media, agrees with the sentiment of losing ourselves in the fasted paced internet and social world of technology by stating the following:

“But sometimes, you may get lost in your online life that you forget to live your real life. You may focus on being more connected only to end up being disconnected with the real world. Sometimes, you need to take a step back, disconnect from social media and connect with life once again.” (https://www.lifehack.org/280613/9-steps-disconnect-from-social-media-and-connect-with-life-again)

Once we realize that social media has taken a hold of us, our relationships and our lives, and it might be time to take a break, check out, what and how we have disconnected ourselves, and our interactions, there could be some monumental benefits waiting. Carlo gives 9 steps or ways to disconnect from social media in his blog and goes on to state…

“Most importantly, live a real life, interact with real people, and be awesome in the real world! Don’t stress yourself making your profile wonderful. Live an awesome life and it will automatically follow! Do exciting stuff. Write a book. Plan a trip. Whatever. Just be awesome! Most importantly, live a life that matters and you don’t have to get your satisfaction and fulfillment from likes and shares ever again!”

(https://www.lifehack.org/280613/9-steps-disconnect-from-social-media-and-connect-with-life-again)

It is difficult to go anywhere and sit down without seeing multiple people all around on their cell phones, IPods, or any other variety of technical devices, even our two year olds are now not without their technology. What happened to colors and books at dinner?

There is nothing wrong with using our technology, at all! But my client started me asking this same question to many of my other clients who are struggling in relationships, and yearning for more intimacy.  Just how much and how many times do you put down your cell phone or social media to listen to your partner or really reach out to connect to someone on a daily basis? That question could be shocking if you really are honest we with ourselves.

Carolyn S. Riviere, LMFT-C

Masters Marriage & Family Therapist

720 708 4865

www.collaboratecounseling.com

It is hard to fathom what went wrong when everything in our life shut down in March. This was a historical event that no one in the world has ever experienced. Grandparents, parents, children, doctors, therapists, world leaders…..no one has went thru what we all have gone through together over the last few months. Most of us went to offices, took children to school and enjoyed perhaps weekend family/friend outings just days before we were told to stay inside. There were travel plans, work and children events, family and career plans left to participate in and complete. Life was going as planned, until the news of a pandemic menacingly striking people across the globe broke out. 

People were confined to their homes and life has changed dramatically for most, and potentially may never look the same. Markets, parks, shopping centers in fact entire countries were put on lockdown and life has changed for the world, and who knows after this what the “new normal” is going to be?
However, what I have seen in my practice and with the individuals, couples and families that I work with, is the resiliency in spite of, this pandemic. Families, and individuals coming together, making the best of the situation, bringing strategies to their life that are working, some that are not working but hoping and searching for ways to live in the present moment, while reaching for the future and redesigning their life to fit this new world. 

Exactly what that may look like, none of us know, but there are actions, strategies and ways of being that will keep us connected, moving forward, and building relationships that will continue to grow and keep us connected. We are built for community, even during lock downs. We have seen this thru out the world. People reaching towards one another. How they do this, reach, has been inspiring and life changing for a great many of us. And we do it every day in our own lives and families. I work with couples, individuals, and children, making these “reaches”, within themselves and amongst themselves. This is how we survive and thrive.
Here are a few ways that I have found and my clients have been working on in their own lives and homes:
Develop a family routine

A change in routine can sometimes be a source of unnecessary stress for everyone in the family. By helping develop a routine pre-COVID level of normalcy can be maintained. It can be helpful if you take input from each family member to ask what their daily routine will be during this time period. 

Following are some ideas to help your family develop a routine:
– Wake up and have breakfast according to your normal schedule.
– Set up space that may not have been available before Covid, for everyone to do their work/school, etc so there is no overlap if possible.
– Include breaks for exercise, walk around the block, get some sun!
– Involve everyone in preparing dinner. Eat together, Set aside some time in the night for reading books or watching a movie together.
– Go to bed on time, keep scheduling to keep normalcy. Things are getting back to normal!
– Ask kiddos for their input, what will help them feel part of the family? Are they missing their friends, is there a way to include them?
– Don’t forget couple time! Even if you are all together as a family, you still need individual and couple alone time.
– Begin a Mindfulness practice, include the children, www.insighttimer.com is free and over 24,000 meditations a day.
– YouTube exercise Classes! There is such a variety of classes on line from Boflex, to individual dance classes and personal trainers. You may get in the best shape of your life.

Use this time as we are beginning to go back out in the world, to be safe, stay connected, re-explore relationships with co-workers, neighbors and your family as an opportunity, to find out what is important to you, who you want to be in relationship and who you choose to be with in relationship. Re-define those definitions based on the forced choice that we all just went through to now having a choice of what relationship looks and feels like on a 24×7 basis! Would love to hear from anyone your thoughts and ideas.
Carolyn@collaboratecounseling.com    

Dealing with anxiety, depression and the loss of a relationship while being twenty something is difficult!  Potentially more so with social media pressure in which the millennium generation has grown up and surrounds themselves within. However, I have been working with an extremely unusual and amazing client that has taken a risk with several beneficial and surprising outcomes.

After a unexpected breakup, this particular client found herself as most individuals find themselves doing after a break up, checking their Facebook and social media accounts for news of their old romance. This was causing more anxiety and depression than the break up. She decided in between sessions, to go cold-turkey, and “disconnect” from her Facebook account at first. Then proceeded to eliminate herself from other social media, such as snapchat and instagram.

What happened after that was shocking! She came back into session the following week, and was less anxious, presented with a smile, was more confident and not thinking as much about her lost relationship. She was more engaged in “real Life”, relationships and reconnecting to what she considered, “really mattered”, friends and activities that supported her life and ambitions. It turns out, social media was one of the root causes of her anxiety and stress. She had found herself constantly checking her lost love’s whereabouts, who he was with, if he was out, his relationship status, etc.. Not only that, it was a drain on her personal life and activities that actually was inhibiting her enjoying the real things that she actually use to enjoy in her life.

Without her constant beeping and buzzing of her accounts, and the knowledge that the social network was right at her fingertips, she was forced to go out on her own, forge new connections without the aid of false reporting’s, pictures, and updates of supposed friends, superficial relationships, she thought were more important than not, and learning about lives that were perhaps based on truths but sometimes were not.

Are the pictures of our friends, families, acquaintances are posted an accurate reflection of what is really going on in life’s that we are viewing? For some, are they representing what they do not have, and potentially not a true, accurate representation of the story behind the picture being portrayed? Over Christmas break, my son demonstrated just this truth; I was appalled and saddened by what I saw.  A young woman, he knew, very beautiful, had posted a picture of herself, but looking closely at the picture, he pointed out that her legs were not the same size. She in fact and edited them to make them look smaller. So much so, that they were pencil size and out of proportion. The reality being, that what many people are viewing as happiness, health and well being, may not be reality at all.

Since this first encounter and experience with my client, I have been doing my own survey/research on social media within my own therapeutic and friend circle. Can you really unplug? What are the thoughts about this, how would you feel? Have you ever done it? There are some great articles written about how to do just this.

Daniel Wallen writes about 5 Psychological reasons you are maybe addicted to Facebook and how to break the habit! If you think this is you, read more about how he suggests kicking your habit in the following link and blog:

https://www.lifehack.org/233325/5-psychological-reasons-you-are-addicted-facebook-and-5-ways-break-the-habit?ref=sidebar

Carlo Cruz in his blog regarding disconnecting from social media, agrees with the sentiment of losing ourselves in the fasted paced internet and social world of technology by stating the following:

“But sometimes, you may get lost in your online life that you forget to live your real life. You may focus on being more connected only to end up being disconnected with the real world. Sometimes, you need to take a step back, disconnect from social media and connect with life once again.” (https://www.lifehack.org/280613/9-steps-disconnect-from-social-media-and-connect-with-life-again)

Once we realize that social media has taken a hold of us, our relationships and our lives, and it might be time to take a break, check out, what and how we have disconnected ourselves, and our interactions, there could be some monumental benefits waiting. Carlo gives 9 steps or ways to disconnect from social media in his blog and goes on to state…

“Most importantly, live a real life, interact with real people, and be awesome in the real world! Don’t stress yourself making your profile wonderful. Live an awesome life and it will automatically follow! Do exciting stuff. Write a book. Plan a trip. Whatever. Just be awesome! Most importantly, live a life that matters and you don’t have to get your satisfaction and fulfillment from likes and shares ever again!”

(https://www.lifehack.org/280613/9-steps-disconnect-from-social-media-and-connect-with-life-again)

It is difficult to go anywhere and sit down without seeing multiple people all around on their cell phones, IPods, or any other variety of technical devices, even our two year olds are now not without their technology. What happened to colors and books at dinner?

There is nothing wrong with using our technology, at all! But my client started me asking this same question to many of my other clients who are struggling in relationships, and yearning for more intimacy.  Just how much and how many times do you put down your cell phone or social media to listen to your partner or really reach out to connect to someone on a daily basis? That question could be shocking if you really are honest we with ourselves.

 

Carolyn S. Riviere, LMFT-C
Masters Marriage & Family Therapist
(720) 708 4865
www.collaboratecounseling.com