Why do we choose partners? How do we make this ultimate, important decision that will shape our future, our potential kid’s future and our overall health and wellbeing of ourselves? How do we NOT pick the wrong person in our second, or third marriages?

These are questions asked every day in my office and amongst fellow therapists. Depending on your past history, trauma, family of origin, ideas about romance, can affect substantially your choices. Many of us, unconsciously are reworking our past hurts and the “stories” we tell ourselves about romance, love, partnering and child raising. However, your future or current partner does the same thing!

The author of the attached article describes how “we use to find a Partner”, what marriage was based on versus the industrial age, of love, romance and soul mate speak. Which is better? Who knows, except there are choices, decisions and longings that we all must deal with before choosing to start a new relationship or end one? Will you marry the same person, different face, yet again? Or are you willing to self-evaluate, implement core values, and take your time to make the “right” decision based on past, present and future desires and outcomes. 

Here is what Alain de Botton wrote as one of the most read articles in the New York Times regarding picking the wrong partner.

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html